Beware of Ramblin' goin' on...
Work has been a pain.. stressful.. very stressful. I need a vacation. Alas, next days off are Thanksgiving and the day after.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, it's going to be interesting. I'll have to talk to my brother and see if he wants to bring his significant other for dinner. If not, it'll be just me and the boys. I'm not sure I really mind. I did like the family get together with Jesse's family. So, I've accepted that we'll be alone. Christmas, is going to be hell.. we have shutdown during this week (2 days), so that means a whole week off. And the boys are used to and love spending Christmas with Jesse's family.. they were family. So, no family, low to no finances.. so I don't know. I feel bad for the boys. I don't mind myself, but I do mind for the kids. Just another freakin thing I can get pissed at Jesse for. Loser with a capital "L". And yes, I stooped that low, because I wanted to. And it felt good.
Speaking of my brother, he said that since I have no ties left in Maine, I should move back to Texas. It is something to ponder. After the boys have graduated. Maybe. I don't know yet. At least it'll be warm there LOL. But, oh, the family drama LOL.
Speaking of kids, Derrick has had this rash for a while now. I keep thinking it's bed bugs.. but no bugs to be found. And it's just on his arms. He suggested that it might be his soap.. and I considered this. But to be on just his arms? Then I just had to ask.. do you just use soap on your arms?!? And he replied.. yes. OMG. Can you believe it? A 16 yr old only using soap on his arms? LOL.
Argh.
I haven't slept well in a few days. I'm hurting LOL. I'm not sure why. The other day, it was weird noises. It seems like someone was banging on the door, but no one was. Yesterday, it was rough even getting to sleep, then I woke up 45 min early.. hell I tell ya. I might take a pill tonight, I don't know.
Hell's kitchen is on, and I'm making a deconstructed stuffed cabbage meal. Yum. Oh, and btw, my feet are cold.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wednesday 10/6/10
Man, the bad weather sure puts a bad mood on a person doesn't it? LOL
Work was rough today, but when isn't it? I didn't get to walk at breaks because it was cold and wet.. didn't even get my last break because I was in the middle of an audit.
I received some paperwork today on the divorce, and was going to list everything that was wrong with it... but instead, I'm going to hold it to my chest.. even though the thought of what was in it made me laugh. I mean, is he delusional or what? LOL. I'll have to talk to my lawyer when he gets back into the country.
Jeffrey's friend, who's car broke down the other day, broke down again today in my driveway, in a different car! He forgot to turn his lights off LOL.. so guess what.. in the pouring rain, I had to give him a jump. Poor kiddo.
It's cold in the house. I soooo want to turn the heat on, but I can't afford to fill the oil tank. literally. that will be a 4XX$ expense alone, and we have to fill that usually about 3 times a year. We have about half a tank left, so I hope that lasts for a while. I'm going to have to talk to my lawyer about this as well. I don't care that Jesse's paying a small portion of the mortgage and paying rent... he should've thought of that before he started messing around. Family comes first.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tuesday 10/5/10
Work was, work.. too busy to think. Breaks I walked around the parking lot.. my legs are feeling it.
It's been a rather blah day today. Feeling kinda.. lost. Antsy. I really, really do not like this feeling. A mixture of being lonely and ADD LOL. Man, what a PITA. Ya, I know I'm giving Jesse too much power. But hell, can't help it. I personally hope (and pray) that he's feeling pain too.. because it's not fair if I'm the only one suffering.
Oh well, it will get better. Soon I hope.
Had to listen to Derrick today spout off all this useless trivia.. lol. That kid can remember everything he reads in terms of science/history, but can't remember to brush his teeth or put on deodorant.
I need a life.. anyone got one for free?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Monday 10/4/10
Nothing new and exciting today.
Work was long and busy of course.
Came home and one of Jeffrey's friends couldn't start his car, so I tried to give him a jump. But his car still wouldn't start. So, after about 10 min of jump starting his car and we removed the jumpers, his car started. Very weird. I'm not a car person.. so.
Made a good, unique dinner ala Carlie, and been watching tv.
No homework, no chores today.
I feel fine. I've been walking a lot at work at break times. My knees feel it, and I have a constant pre-charlie horse feeling in one calf muscle. Probably due to lack of potassium/magnesium. Should start taking vitamins again.. I hate pills. Either that or my body is rejecting exercise. It gets me alone and outside. There are times I need alone thinking time, even though I don't like to think certain thoughts. Sometimes it makes me even lonelier, and other times it's what I need to clear my head. The one thing that is reoccurring, and I would love to find an answer, is why would someone whose ex supposedly cheated on him would cheat on his next wife? Especially since he knows how it feels. What makes it ok to him? I don't understand it, and I probably won't. I probably will never get the answer, and I'm hoping one day that I won't need an answer.
Work was long and busy of course.
Came home and one of Jeffrey's friends couldn't start his car, so I tried to give him a jump. But his car still wouldn't start. So, after about 10 min of jump starting his car and we removed the jumpers, his car started. Very weird. I'm not a car person.. so.
Made a good, unique dinner ala Carlie, and been watching tv.
No homework, no chores today.
I feel fine. I've been walking a lot at work at break times. My knees feel it, and I have a constant pre-charlie horse feeling in one calf muscle. Probably due to lack of potassium/magnesium. Should start taking vitamins again.. I hate pills. Either that or my body is rejecting exercise. It gets me alone and outside. There are times I need alone thinking time, even though I don't like to think certain thoughts. Sometimes it makes me even lonelier, and other times it's what I need to clear my head. The one thing that is reoccurring, and I would love to find an answer, is why would someone whose ex supposedly cheated on him would cheat on his next wife? Especially since he knows how it feels. What makes it ok to him? I don't understand it, and I probably won't. I probably will never get the answer, and I'm hoping one day that I won't need an answer.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday 10/3/10
Boy, is fall in the air here. I had to pull out the thick socks this morning. It didn't help that I, out of habit, opened the back door to let air in then couldn't figure out why it was so cold in the house LOL. Freakin' blond moment from hell.
It was a pretty normal day.. cleaned some house, did my homework. Had to go shopping for a new set of clippers.. Jeffrey's mop broke the last one. This kid has a thick head of hair. I remember when he was a toddler and had little ringlets. Was quite often mistaken for a girl. It was so adorable :). I hated to cut those out lol.
We watched some netflix, and surfed me some web. Made an awesome roasted chicken with turnips.. which Derrick had to tell me was extremely bitter. Now we're watching America's funniest videos LOL. Idiots LOL.
It's going to be a good week. No physics classes until next Thursday. Except we have a take home test which I'm dreading.
I'm dreading Monday's at work. We're having an audit starting Monday to get our ISO re-cert. I hate audits.. I'm always involved. I always have to remember never to give out too much info LOL. I guess my predecessor gave way too much info out LOL.
I have no life.. I admit it. Isn't that the first step in the program? LOL
It was a pretty normal day.. cleaned some house, did my homework. Had to go shopping for a new set of clippers.. Jeffrey's mop broke the last one. This kid has a thick head of hair. I remember when he was a toddler and had little ringlets. Was quite often mistaken for a girl. It was so adorable :). I hated to cut those out lol.
We watched some netflix, and surfed me some web. Made an awesome roasted chicken with turnips.. which Derrick had to tell me was extremely bitter. Now we're watching America's funniest videos LOL. Idiots LOL.
It's going to be a good week. No physics classes until next Thursday. Except we have a take home test which I'm dreading.
I'm dreading Monday's at work. We're having an audit starting Monday to get our ISO re-cert. I hate audits.. I'm always involved. I always have to remember never to give out too much info LOL. I guess my predecessor gave way too much info out LOL.
I have no life.. I admit it. Isn't that the first step in the program? LOL
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Saturday 10/2/10
Pretty uneventful day today.
Took Jeffrey to work then weekly grocery shopping. Watched Lovely Bones, pretty good movie but the book was better of course.
Now Derrick and I are watching clash of the titans. The original was better, but the main character in the newer one is hotter.
I got invited to another shindig with Debbie, but had to turn her down.. wanted to stay in, not to mention having to pick up Jeffrey at 10 kinda ruins the party spirit lol.
I feel.. kind of alone. I need to do social things, but not sure what, where, or with who. I am not much of a partier since I don't drink. Maybe I should take up chatting again. Although, I don't have a clue where to. Do people even chat anymore? LOL. If you know of any social things I can do, please feel free to let me know LOL.
I should do what Debbie does, and remodel the house. But since I can bet Jesse's going to be an ass about helping me keep the house, we more than likely will not be staying here. First, he fucks with my life by sleeping with another, then he's trying to take my home away from me. He's a loser to make someone else pay for his sexual indiscretions. I'm not really worried though... things are looking up for me.
Took Jeffrey to work then weekly grocery shopping. Watched Lovely Bones, pretty good movie but the book was better of course.
Now Derrick and I are watching clash of the titans. The original was better, but the main character in the newer one is hotter.
I got invited to another shindig with Debbie, but had to turn her down.. wanted to stay in, not to mention having to pick up Jeffrey at 10 kinda ruins the party spirit lol.
I feel.. kind of alone. I need to do social things, but not sure what, where, or with who. I am not much of a partier since I don't drink. Maybe I should take up chatting again. Although, I don't have a clue where to. Do people even chat anymore? LOL. If you know of any social things I can do, please feel free to let me know LOL.
I should do what Debbie does, and remodel the house. But since I can bet Jesse's going to be an ass about helping me keep the house, we more than likely will not be staying here. First, he fucks with my life by sleeping with another, then he's trying to take my home away from me. He's a loser to make someone else pay for his sexual indiscretions. I'm not really worried though... things are looking up for me.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday night
Work was, work. Very busy. Any more work at work and I'll have to get help. They won't like that LOL.
Went to a going away party tonight, for some of Debbie's friends.. that are from Denmark. They are such a hoot. I'm glad I got out. The drive there was hell, they live in the boondocks of Maine, where the woods surround you and no lights around. There's hills and valleys, and it was pouring and dark. I couldn't see when I was driving. I then discovered brights. Never had to use them before LOL. The drive back was dry and easier to deal with. I'm not good driving at night. I feel so old lol.
I realized something today. I'm kind of glad I'm getting a divorce. Now hear me out LOL. Jesse was not the man I married. Something changed in the course of the last 5 years, even before the ho. He was always angry and often such an asshole, especially in situations that no one has any control over. Then he would get mad at me for trying to defuse the situation. He was often mad at the boys, especially at Jeffrey, for things it wasn't worth getting mad at. He was mad at the kids for being teenagers. They are not bad kids, and never really have been bad. I mean, he would get angry if Jeffrey would ask for a ride to his friends house, and accuse him of having to drive him everywhere, when in reality, he was maybe driving him somewhere 2x's a week... in town no less. Then complained he had no free time, when all he had was free time.
I don't know what made him this way. I think he is depressed.
When he left, the kids became less stressed. Derrick has turned around in terms of his attitude for the most part, and in such a profound way even his teachers noted it. Maybe it was Jesse's lack of being able to deal with his own anger that got Derrick to be so angry.
It's one of those things you don't see until you step away and look at the relationship from another angle. I just wish he was man enough to do the right thing instead of sleeping around.
I wish he would have at least tried instead of running. He loves to run I noticed.
Debbie said she had a dream about me last night, that I lost all my weight and was looking good. She tells me that most of all of her dreams come true. So I need to stick to my diet and get to be a hot momma.
Well, it's 1040pm, and I've been up since 4. I'm exhausted. So chat you all up later.
Went to a going away party tonight, for some of Debbie's friends.. that are from Denmark. They are such a hoot. I'm glad I got out. The drive there was hell, they live in the boondocks of Maine, where the woods surround you and no lights around. There's hills and valleys, and it was pouring and dark. I couldn't see when I was driving. I then discovered brights. Never had to use them before LOL. The drive back was dry and easier to deal with. I'm not good driving at night. I feel so old lol.
I realized something today. I'm kind of glad I'm getting a divorce. Now hear me out LOL. Jesse was not the man I married. Something changed in the course of the last 5 years, even before the ho. He was always angry and often such an asshole, especially in situations that no one has any control over. Then he would get mad at me for trying to defuse the situation. He was often mad at the boys, especially at Jeffrey, for things it wasn't worth getting mad at. He was mad at the kids for being teenagers. They are not bad kids, and never really have been bad. I mean, he would get angry if Jeffrey would ask for a ride to his friends house, and accuse him of having to drive him everywhere, when in reality, he was maybe driving him somewhere 2x's a week... in town no less. Then complained he had no free time, when all he had was free time.
I don't know what made him this way. I think he is depressed.
When he left, the kids became less stressed. Derrick has turned around in terms of his attitude for the most part, and in such a profound way even his teachers noted it. Maybe it was Jesse's lack of being able to deal with his own anger that got Derrick to be so angry.
It's one of those things you don't see until you step away and look at the relationship from another angle. I just wish he was man enough to do the right thing instead of sleeping around.
I wish he would have at least tried instead of running. He loves to run I noticed.
Debbie said she had a dream about me last night, that I lost all my weight and was looking good. She tells me that most of all of her dreams come true. So I need to stick to my diet and get to be a hot momma.
Well, it's 1040pm, and I've been up since 4. I'm exhausted. So chat you all up later.
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