Eh. ya. whatev.

I'm tired, and need sleep. I have a test tomorrow in classical mechanics. I'm not ready. I haven't studied (except for today...). This crap with Jesse has fudged my thinking. Especially when it comes to physics. I know I'm going to fail this test. Thank god that the teach allows a retake of a test at the end of the semester.

I don't know how I feel today. I feel.. blah. I wanted to go for a walk, but it was raining... ok, it was cold and sprinkling. I didn't want to go really.

On another Jesse note, a few months ago, friends/family received an anonymous private message through facebook saying that I was a ho and liked it up the rump basically (in condensed form) and slept around. I'm 100% sure it was Jesse doing it to me. He brought it up again during this last fight, saying I had a "guilty" look when he mentioned it. LOL.. I haven't had time to breath much less screw with another person. This wasn't the first time he messed with my head. Before I moved up to Maine with him (I was still living in NH and we were moving quickly..), a person online was stalking me. Knew everything about me, what stuff was in my car, knew my kids, and threatened me with harm via the internet. Freaked me out. I went to Jesse's house over the weekend, and went on his computer to check my email. I just took the computer out of sleep mode, and guess what: His email was up, and guess what the email addy was? The dickhead who was stalking me. Jesse was the stalker. I remember confronting him about it, and he said he was afraid of the relationship and how fast it was going. I don't remember what my response was unfortunately. He does things to intentionally hurt people mentally and emotionally, and yet claims to be a counselor and a christian.

I think I'm more afraid of losing my home. I haven't heard from my lawyer in about a week and a half. I had to scrimp up and beg for help to pay for this lawyer, when Jesse gets to ask mommy and daddy for the money. I'm going to have the lawyer get Jesse to pay for his fees. He left me with all the bills. He refuses to even pay the agreed upon mortgage payment.. which isn't evenly divided up like it should be.

Oh, and he's still talking to the ho LOL. Probably still sleeping with her too.

Oh well, his loss.

This is blogging is actually helping LOL